Hogan Knows Nothing

Now it's Hulk Hogan's turn to have his own reality show. I watched a few episodes and it's okay for what it is, that is, nothing else is on so I might as well watch this. It's in the same sort of genre as Newlyweds, with Jessica Simpson and Nic LaShay, or the Osbournes, with the Osbourne family. In other words, this show is a sitcom but with real people. The Hulk's show actually might have made a good TV show if it had been written by comedy writers and had great actors who knew how to say their lines. The premise is great: A retired wrestler copes with life and family after the spotlight has left him. The problem is that the show doesn't have comedy writers or great actors.

Hulk Hogan actually does not exist. Never has. The name and the persona were created by the man who grew up as Terry Bollea, who then used name and persona in his career in sports entertainment, that is, professional wrestling. Terry - Hulk - whatever - has a blonde ditzy wife who looks like she's in her forties, maybe pushing fifty, a sixteen year old daughter who's even ditzier than the mother, and a son who's fourteen and a bit of a smart-ass. They live in Beverly Hills in a cluttered mansion with several dogs and one rooster.

'Hogan' , now in his late fifties, looks as massively muscular as ever. But he also looks massively tired and in need of a good nap. He's still on the steroids, I can guarantee that, because no human being naturally looks like this, not to mention any human being who is a card carrying AARP member. On the show he goes for this tough guy act, the over-protective father, glowering at his young daughter's suitors. He does that glowering thing well, by the way, which I can attest to first hand because I ran across him at a Minneapolis Gym a number of years ago and every time I felt tempted to walk up and tell him what a big fan I was, I'd see that glower and I'd go back to lifting my tiny, miniscule weights.

In real life, I don't think he was ever such a tough guy. Please don't quote me on that, and especially please don't quote me to him, because I'm not calling him a pussy, I'm saying he's probably just a normal guy who doesn't look so much for conflict. Think about this: He says in High School that he was a fat kid, and when I saw him in person I thought he was a tad bit chubby. Didn't tell him that, but he wasn't so ripped. Anyways, as a fat kid he probably didn't get into so many fights. Then when he took up the weights and the roids, no other guy, no matter how drunk would want to fight him. So he probably hasn't been in many real, non-staged fights, if you think about it.

Hogan Knows Best is mildly entertaining. The story lines seemed to stretch a bit for their half-hour since it looks very much as if Hogan and his wife are good parents and they also have done a wonderful job of raising their kids. A functional family tends to be not very interesting. It is nice to spend a half hour with a nice family and that might be the biggest surprise of this show.