The Death of Funny

Steve Martin is starring in The Pink Panther, a re-make of the the Peter Sellars movie and I have a bold prediciton for you: It won't be funny. Know why? The trailers aren't funny; And if they can't find thirty seconds of funny in a ninety minute movie, then there isn't any. It's not like they chose the only parts of the comedy that for some reason didn't have any hilarity.

Here's another reason the movie won't be funny: Steve Martin isn't funny. Oh, he has his moments, I'm sure. I watched a little bit of him on Saturday Night Live and it reminded me of when he used to be funny, but mostly it just brought back to me why I don't stay up late. There's no reason to. Sure, I only watched the first half hour of the show and maybe the side-splitting stuff came later, but again, I don't think so. They put the good stuff on first so that you'll stay tuned then the show gets crappier and crappier.

I saw Steve Martin in an interview where he was asked why he decided to re-make The Pink Panther and he gave some sort of justification, like he always wanted to do it, but just wasn't the time or the script or whatever. Like this was the comedians version of doing Shakespeare.

Oh, Steve, please don't insult our intelligence.

You did it for the money.

There's no artistic or creative reason to re-make this particular movie. It was a silly movie when it came out decades ago and there is no need to try to improve on the slap-stick and farce. Actually that pretty much goes for a re-make of anything. Anyways, Steve, make a silly movie if you want to, but just make an original one for crying out loud. It's not like it's so hard to string a bunch of prat falls together and tie it up with some sort of plot.

But I can respect him doing things for money. That alone doesn't make him a sell-out, because if doing things for money makes you a sell-out then we all are aren't we? - trading as we do our time for money. What I don't respect is him doing any old thing for the bucks. That makes you a prostitute.

Yes, you heard me, Steve, I'm calling you a whore.

Comedians generally stop being funny when they do a handful of things in their lives and their careers. One of these things, unfortunately, is be happy. It's a cliche, maybe, but the funniest bits come out of anger and pain. Think: Sam Kinison or Richard Pryor. They both had dreadful, horrible lives but, boy, they had somethings to say that just resonated and split your sides open.

When the money comes, and the big house, beautiful women (and good drugs, too, I suppose) then there's a whole bunch less to be PO'ed about. Jokes about your limo and Champagne just don't make it. At that point, they just don't have all that much to say, because their life's great and they don't have that universal everyman mentality.

Comedians also fail when they want you to take them seriously. I'm not talking serious roles - Robin Williams, a Julliard trained actor, is brilliant in serious roles - I'm talking serious opinions. Two comedic idealogues, Al Franken and Dennis Miller, used to be funny but then they got political and I can't listen to either of them. They are both on different sides of the political spectrum, but now it's almost painful to listen to them because in both their cases what they are saying is so strident and uncompromising and even hateful. One of these two I tended to agree with, but even then, I can only read his books or listen to his speeches as pure politics.

The worst death of funny is when the comedians want to teach you. Patch Adams, anyone? I don't need Robin Williams to lecture me cinematically about how I should live, thank you. I can figure that out on my own. Okay, I didn't see that one so maybe I shouldn't talk, but everybody said it was horrible so I'll stand by that statement.

Steve Martin's done it, too. Cheaper by the Dozen, one and two. Talk about a remake that shouldn't have been remade and talk about doing it for the money and talk about prostituting yourself. I don't know, maybe Steve saw some sort of value. He must have decided that it was time to do a really good wholesome family movie and he's done a few: Parenthood, Father of the Bride, etc.

Steve Martin should realize that he is a walking comedy corpse and go to the comedy grave quietly. There are new generations of people who want to entertain us with their humor - and they're doing it well, too. He should step aside and spend the rest of his days playing his banjo in his huge gloomy mansion while the rest of us go out and find someone else to laugh at.