Saint Mel, the Insane

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By all accounts, Mel Gibson lived the Hollywood lifestyle when he was in his prime - booze, drugs, and lots of women. I'm pretty sure that he was married, too, and in the process of having the many kids that a Catholic is expected to have. Then he cleaned up his act, became a good Catholic and now can tell us all how we should live our lives.

Thank you, Mel. I would like to know how to use drugs, drink and cheat on my wife (when I get one). Your experience will prove very valuable to me.

But I was thinking ... it looks like his years of bad living left him with a tast for the kinky stuff. Like especially the S and M. I'm thinking of two movies that he had a hand in here, Brave Heart and The Passion of the Christ.

First BraveHeart. Braveheart was the story of Scottish Patriot William Wallace who opposed the British many years ago and led troops into battle against them, and ... I don't know. Apparently the movie wasn't very historical so I couldn't tell you what actually happened as opposed to what St. Mel says happened. As I understand it, the dying British Monarch did not actually throw his son's Gay lover off of a tower and William Wallace didn't impregnate the wife of the gay prince. Whatever.

At the end of Braveheart William Wallace is being slowly tortured and executed by an evil inquisitor who wants him to say that the British King is wonderful, which will earn William Wallace a quick death as opposed to the long drawn out one we are shown. This is BS because they weren't going to shorten the program one bit no matter what you said. Treason against the crown was the same thing as treason against God, because the Monarch ruled by divine right. The execution started with a half hanging, then they disemboweled you, then they burned your bowels, then they drew and quartered you.

Mel's right then when he showed Wallace being half hanged and and disemboweled, however ... William Wallace never shouted out: 'Freedom!' which caused the angry and frustrated evil inquisitor to chop off his head. Didn't happen. And what on Earth would William Wallace have meant by that even if he had yelled that out? Scottland wasn't going to go to a system of representative democracy with a bill of rights and all that. At best they would just exchange one monarch for another who lived closer to home, but most every person would still live a course, brutish oppressed life.

The Passion of the Christ, you might say, was historical especially with the depiction of the Roman method of execution. And if you accept that the gospels are historical (many dispute this) then it was absolutely historical, even to the language that might actually have come out of the mouths of the people involved. There wasn't a creepy figure representing Satan mentioned following Jesus around, but maybe none of the disciples got around to writing about that.

The truly disturbing part about both of these movies is the almost gloating way they document the torture and suffering of the protaganists. I was definitely left with the feeling that Mel was just getting off on showing all of this blood and gore. I remember in Passion of the Christ where the Roman whipper was selecting which instrument of torture he would use on Jesus and he held up this big club that had sharp spikes coming out of it and leered over it almost. Then he selected the flagellum (the whip with flesh ripping spurs) and he tested it on a table causing it to splinter - just to let us all know what it could really do. Of course, he's just laughing sadistically as he does his job, but I have to wonder about that. I mean, whipping people is his job. Even if you enjoy your job a whole bunch you don't laugh sadistically all day long as you do it, do you? Why would this guy?

Mel made a lot of money out of that last movie, and supposedly he has more Biblical epics lined up to film. But do we really need to see them? There really aren't stories that are so interesting or dramatic as that one, are there? But maybe he'll make a sequel to Passion of the Christ. Jesus did rise from the dead, after all, so the story hasn't been entirely told. Though, I'm wondering how Mel will gore that one up. Well, I'm sure he'll find a way.