Friday, November 24, 2006

The Seven Biggest Narcissists in America: Real World Denver


www.lulu.com/abeautifulcow

I know that sounds a little harsh to label these cast members as narcissists when so far we know little about them. But we do know this: They all believe that the whole country should pay attention to them and that they are so important that they need to be filmed all day long so that we know what they're doing every minute of the day. They sure aren't modest. Of course, most narcissistic - okay, debatable - they're just the seven narcissists that were chosen. Probably lots of people in America are more into themselves than this crew. Or not.

The real world almost always casts a bunch of 'types'. They deny this, I know, but nonetheless that's what you get and it's so well known that each cast on the first day tries to figure out what type each person represents. On the first episode they were asking each other who the gay one was. Yes! There's always a gay cast member. If you can think of a recent Real World that didn't have somebody gay, please let me know.

The producers, of course, say that they cast because of who they think will be the most interesting. Alright, but they for sure cast for interaction between the Real-Worlders if not downright conflict. For example, one of the casts had a Mormon girl on. What would that season have been like if it had been seven Mormon girls instead of one? That's right. Dull.

Here's the new Real World Cast.

Jen: On her voice-over Jen introduced herself as a former Oakland Raider's cheerleader which she goes on to explain is the 'most prestigious team in the NFL'. Yeah, right. Everybody in America agree with that? Didn't think so. Besides, I notice that the New England Patriots won the last two SuperBowls (on this list I just looked up. I never watch it). Aren't the Superbowl winners considered the most prestigious?

She's pretty, of course, but way into herself, shallow, and kind of stupid.

Alex: He's already graduated college with a bachelor's degree in psychology. I've got a friend who has a bachelor's in psychology. Know what he does? He's a real estate appraiser and it's not the building's mental health that he's appraising either. Alex seems to be the stock frat boy type - good body, ordinary looks thinks that he's extraordinary. He hooks up (makes out) with the next cast member who is ...

Cotie: I believe I spelled that name correctly. Cotie looks to be like she is the crazy chick in the bunch. Hard to say just from one episode, but stay tuned. I'll bet there's a whole bunch of psycho drama that's going to becoming from her direction. Cotie says her hobby is 'making out'. Mine's writing. Her's sounds funner, but on the other hand I've never caught any diseases from writing, so I'll stick with mine.

Brook: At least I think this one's name is Brook since I can't read my own handwriting too well. Brook says she likes to party. She asked the Alpha Male Black Dude which character she was and he called her 'the Southern Belle'. She's short, dark-haired, looks a little gothy, body looks untoned but not exactly out of shape.

Alpha Male Black Dude: Crap. I didn't write this guy's name down, so I can't tell you who he is. Just go with my description there. This guy said that the first thing he was going to do was unpack a box of Trojans. Nice. From the preview it does look like he gets a bit of trim, so he's not just bragging. He's not the gay guy and has nothing against the gay lifestyle. Why should he? Every gay guy is one less competition for him.

Dave: The other black guy. He's shorter and more ordinary looking and very religious. What is he doing here, you ask? Conflict, Baby, conflict. You got to have somebody in the house to disapprove of what everybody else is doing, don't you? When he finds that the last cast-member is also religious (there's a twist coming) he suggests that they find a church they can go to together. That is until he finds out that ...

Steven: is the gay one. Steven is, in fact, a Southern Baptist and very strong in his faith despite the fact that his faith considers him filled with evil demons and that despite what he thinks, he is a Godless Sodomite. Dave more or less tells him this in very clear terms and this is the first stand off with both guys toe to toe staring each other down.

Steven is blond and muscular in an esthetic way and he does have a bit of the community accent. He intends to be a plastic surgeon.

The Real World House: I kind of like this one for a change. It looks to be in what must be the Denver warehouse district and must be a redone warehouse. It's very spacious and done up in a somewhat tasteful psuedo-Northwoods theme. There's a lot of exposed brick and flowing space except when it comes to the one bathroom and three bedrooms (one 'guest' bedroom). As usual, the house is designed to facilitate interaction so even though the place is a monstrous seven thousand foot cavern everybody can not have their own bedroom and there is one unisex bathroom with multiple sinks, showers and toilet stalls. I would so hate that.

Everybody drinks and everybody drinks a lot and they have a hot tub and people make out. Not religious guy or gay guy, because he has a boyfriend.

Looks pretty boring so far. I'll probably watch, but only when I can't find anything else on the TV. This will for sure not be my favorite Real World season. That is and always will be San Francisco.

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