Saturday, September 23, 2006

The Philosophy of the Matrix



**Some of my books are at http://www.lulu.com/abeautifulcow**

The Matrix trilogy is being shown in it's exhaustive, tedious entirity on Turner tonight. The first one was good, very ground-breaking in so many ways and also very philosophical, but not in a pretentious, solemn goofy way like the next two movies but in a kind of engrossing way. It reminded me very much of Plato's parable of the caves, where what we think is the real world is simply the shadows of the real world, wherever or whatever that is. In the case of the Matrix, the real world that Thomas Anderson (Neo) thinks is real is actually a computer construct of super-intelligent machines who create this illusion while keeping the humans in pods and sucking off the energy they create to power themselves.

It's very attractive because you can for sure enjoy imagining that you are not really you and your hopelessly ordinary life cannot in truth be your 'real' life. No, you must actually be a messianic hero, wouldn't you think? Just like Thomas Anderson actually is.

Well, I have problems with the computer world because if all they want from the human beings is the energy they create, why are they so nice to them? If I were the machines, I would put every last human on a tread mill and I would urge them on with well timed electrical shocks and I would not care one fig that they knew they were actually providing the energy to run us. But that's me. The actual matrix world is in like this dark fog which is never explained, but if the fog is always there, then where does the sunlight come from to grow the plants that are ultimately be used to feed the human batteries? And here's another thing: why not just solar cells? Even if there's a constant fog enveloping the planet, you'd think the machines could just float them or build tall towers or something.

Anyways, first movie I loved, maybe because they were purposely vague about all that stuff and really you shouldn't need to know so much. You should be able to let your own imagination fill in the blanks.

Here's where the Matrix sequels fail and why other sequels also fail. They make the mistake of trying to get you more into their world, which means that the plot has to be more complicated. And more into their world means more into their characters and more characters, so you not only have to keep track of all this extra complicated exposition, but also more about the old characters and then all of the new characters. In Science Fiction this is called an 'information dump' and is usually an awkward device.

When you read my book, Rexroi, see if you can spot where I've cleverly placed my 'information dump'. So far no one has come back to me and complained about that section of the text, so I think I did, in fact, do it rather adroitly. But let me know. (Link at the top of the post).

The Matrix sequels are still rather fun to watch just from the visual aspects. Usually with special effects there's a big drop off in the wow factor when newer and better special effects come out. I remember one of my brothers-in-law telling me that he wanted to see Close Encounters of the Third Kind for the special effects. Tell me if you don't laugh at those special effects now. Yes, Spielberg's a genius when he isn't being annoyingly sappy and sentimental, but Close Encounters of the Third Kind doesn't stand the test of time. The Matrix movie special effects do.

But, the sequels have a steep learning curve. I'm sorry, it's science fiction to start with then when you add dozens of characters with their own obscure sub-plots - I can't do it. I'm just not going to make notes for myself like I did when I read War and Peace. (I finished it in twenty four hours, too, by the way). You're watching a science fiction movie basically because you don't want to use your brain. You want to be entertained and diverted and you shouldn't have to study up for it like the SATs.

Saturday, September 09, 2006

The Problem with Werewolves










**Breakfast with the Antichrist is doing well in the UK. Hey, Americans, you can buy it, too. It's on Amazon. The others are at http://www.lulu.com/abeautifulcow . Not to play favorites, but I'd recommend the last two**

This is sort of a companion piece to: The Problem with Vampires. I think one of the reasons I don't get so much web traffic anymore is because I severed all of my recipricol links when I changed the title of my Weblog to The Golden Age of Dog Biscuits. It sounds friendlier, don't you think? Maybe I'll put that HTML back in just to see what happens. Anyways, I've put some word salad at the bottom of this post to try and attract searchs. The word salad I've selected is from the top ten Tecnoroti searches. If you came here by that way: Please stay and enjoy.

Okay, werewolves: I really enjoyed the first Underworld movie. Yes, it was Kate Beckinsdale that had me most interested and I recommend that movie just on the basis of watching Kate Beckinsdale hopping around in a tight shiny black outfit. It's well worth the price of a rental, believe me. Aside from that, I thought it had a nice involving plot with a beautiful twist at the end. And if they had stopped at that one movie that would have been just fine.

Of course, they had to mess things up with a turd of a sequel. Oh sure, she's still hopping around in a shiny black tight outfit, but there isn't enough of that to make this one worth the rental. The plot is so complicated and obscure that I didn't know who anybody was or why they were doing anything and worse ... I didn't care. I watched the entire thing so that I wouldn't have wasted my money, but really, I shouldn't have wasted my time.

Beware of sequels, that's all you have to know.

The problem with werewolves is this: when they make their transformation into the giant fangspewing monsters they are, where does the mass come from? Suddenly a normal sized man is at least twice his size and strength and the raw material has to come from somewhere. Where? Are they just sort of inflated like balloons and there actually is no more mass but just air? But if they're inflated by air, then where does their strength come from? See. It's impossible.

The second problem is that werewolves apparently go on killing sprees every month and nobody seems to notice. Are we expected to believe that the police are so incompetent that they could miss a twenty nine day murder cycle. Also, the werewolf inevitably wakes up naked somewhere out in the open when he turns back into a human in the morning. Well, the police can certainly not notice repeated violent crimes but a naked man out in the open - they can always catch that guy. (Don't ask me how I know this).

Third, and probably finally, the numbers don't add up. This is somewhat the same problem with vampires, only on a lesser scale. Every vampire victim becomes a vampire and in a geometric progression it wouldn't take long for the whole world to be vampires. Then who's left to suck on.
Same thing with werewolves, though, granted, it doesn't seem that as many people survive the attack to become werewolves themselves. But some do. And those some are going to go out and create a geometric progression of werewolves, who make more, then more, and so on and so on until the whole planet is nothing but werewolves.

What then? It would be slower than the vampires, for sure, but it would still happen.

Heres the word salad I promised.


Lonelygirl15
Steve Irwin
John Tierney
The Unslammed P...
Dreamhost
Pinky
Path to 9/11
Google
Video
Suri
Brazil
9/11
Second Life
Black
Youtube
Top Tags
Microsoft
Steve Irwin
Sex
Search
Online
Bush
web-20
Shopping
Iraq
crocodile hunter
newspaper
Terrorism
Porn
11
web2.0
Top Blogs
Engadget25,379 blogs link here
老徐 徐静蕾 新浪BLOG21,521 blogs link here
Boing Boing: A Directory of Wonderful Things20,495 blogs link here
Gizmodo, The Gadget Guide13,798 blogs link here
Daily Kos: State of the Nation12,928 blogs link here
100 Top Blog
Lonelygirl15
Steve Irwin
John Tierney
The Unslammed P...
Dreamhost
Pinky
Path to 9/11
Google
Video
Suri
Brazil
9/11
Second Life
Black
Youtube
Top Tags
Microsoft
Steve Irwin
Sex
Search
Online
Bush
web-20
Shopping
Iraq
crocodile hunter
newspaper
Terrorism
Porn
11
web2.0
Top Blogs
Engadget25,379 blogs link here
老徐 徐静蕾 新浪BLOG21,521 blogs link here
Boing Boing: A Directory of Wonderful Things20,495 blogs link here
Gizmodo, The Gadget Guide13,798 blogs link here
Daily Kos: State of the Nation12,928 blogs link here
100 Top Blog
Lonelygirl15
Steve Irwin
John Tierney
The Unslammed P...
Dreamhost
Pinky
Path to 9/11
Google
Video
Suri
Brazil
9/11
Second Life
Black
Youtube
Top Tags
Microsoft
Steve Irwin
Sex
Search
Online
Bush
web-20
Shopping
Iraq
crocodile hunter
newspaper
Terrorism
Porn
11
web2.0
Top Blogs
Engadget25,379 blogs link here
老徐 徐静蕾 新浪BLOG21,521 blogs link here
Boing Boing: A Directory of Wonderful Things20,495 blogs link here
Gizmodo, The Gadget Guide13,798 blogs link here
Daily Kos: State of the Nation12,928 blogs link here
100 Top Blog
Lonelygirl15
Steve Irwin
John Tierney
The Unslammed P...
Dreamhost
Pinky
Path to 9/11
Google
Video
Suri
Brazil
9/11
Second Life
Black
Youtube
Top Tags
Microsoft
Steve Irwin
Sex
Search
Online
Bush
web-20
Shopping
Iraq
crocodile hunter
newspaper
Terrorism
Porn
11
web2.0
Top Blogs
Engadget25,379 blogs link here
老徐 徐静蕾 新浪BLOG21,521 blogs link here
Boing Boing: A Directory of Wonderful Things20,495 blogs link here
Gizmodo, The Gadget Guide13,798 blogs link here
Daily Kos: State of the Nation12,928 blogs link here
100 Top Blog

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Quo Vadis Astrology?


My books are at:
Http://www.lulu.com/abeautifulcow Ive been a bit confused and maybe somebody who knows astrology can help me out on this: Now that the astronomical association has been debating what's a planet and what's not, how does that affect the practice of astrology?

Not so long ago, I was looking up my daily horoscope on Yahoo. Whoever their astrologer is, he really sucks. He gets real technical about which planet is going into which house and really obscure stuff like that and I don't think anybody cares. People just want to know if it's a good day to buy Pizza, or whatever your concern is. Anyways, this guy mentioned that the asteroid Vespa was doing something or other and I thought about that.

The ancients who invented astrology for sure did not know that there was a big hunk of rock out there named Vespa. Neither did they know about Pluto or Neptune of any of the other bodies out there that figure into modern day astrology. Were their astrological readings horribly off because they weren't correctly accounting for these unknown bodies?

The astronomy association is split on what should or should not be a planet. Right now it looks like if it's round, it orbits the sun, and it's not somebody else's moon it's going to be a planet. The problem is that they've since discovered other bodies that fit that definition and we could end up having as many as twelve or more planets. So, what it looks like they're going to do is come up with a category of second class planets which Pluto would be demoted to.

The new class of second class planets would be called Dwarf planets or perhaps planetoids. The term 'Pluton' has already been thrown around, but no astronomer much liked the idea except for the one who came up with it.

One of the new possible planets would be called Xena and is located out in the Oort Cloud and is larger than Pluto and it's moon Charon. There may, in fact, be many such types of bodies out there and who knows? There might be ones as big as the Earth or bigger. Why shouldn't there be?

Do astrologers have some similar association as the astronomical association? And how do they affect each other? The astronomers don't believe that astrologers exist even though the astrologers were the orginal astronomers. I think the astronomers want to disassociate themselves from their roots on this one. But quite clearly the astrologers do asknowledge the astronomers as witnessed by my yahoo astrologer. I think they want to cover themselves as much as possible with the stink of science, if they can.

It's always been a sore point between the two how exactly the planets or planetoids or dwarf planets or asteroids effect our daily lives. It's not gravity or magnetism or anything that's measurable, but nonetheless whether we like it or not, they still might. Just think about centrifugal force. Doesn't that exist because there is something far away and scientists are at a loss to explain that one. In the meantime, I'm going to continue to check my daily horoscope. But not at Yahoo, because that guy sucks.


**You might have noticed that I've highlighted a number of words. I'm seeing if that increases my hit count. Frankly, I don't think it will. But if you got to this through a search engine: Please read my books. They're very entertaining.**

Friday, August 11, 2006

Waiting for Godot and MidEast Peace


**((My books are at http://www.lulu.com/abeautifulcow))**

I've noticed that I've been getting these spam e-mails with these brilliantly obscure tag-lines which make me click in just to see what they may be. Also, these messages will have a word salad at the bottom - I'm guessing to attract the search engines in case somebody just happens to type in some of the obscure listed words.

Well, hey! Two can play at that game, can't they? So, you will find at the bottom of this entry some of the afore-mentioned word salad that I copied directly off of my spam. Feel free to ignore it and if you did happen to be looking for information on: beggar girls in non-Tuscan Badger boats, I apologize. I'm sorry I tricked you, but now that you're here please read on. This will so much be worth your while.

I was taught the existentialist play Waiting for Godot three different times in college at Minnesota in three different classes. Each time I learned a different perspective on the play, in other words in each of these classes I learned a different way it sucks. If you don't know the play, you don't want to know it. It is a play about 'waiting' (well, duh) where a couple of bums stand around a tree talking, then some other people and a pig come by and they talk. End of Act I. The bums talk around the tree some more, the people and the pig come by and they talk. Godot, who they are all waiting for, never shows up. End of Act II. Brilliant! It's brilliant because between Act I and Act II a leaf from the tree (which is symbolically the tree of life) falls. Amazing! Do you see it? Do you see how incredible that is?

Well, three different professors at Minnesota did and I got to benefit from their insight. Anyways, it's not an entertaining play. Go see Spamalot! if you can. That's an entertaining play, this just isn't and never will be even if it has Robin Williams in it. He's a Julliard trained actor and his judgement of what's good isn't always the best (Patch Adams, Centerniel Man).

The last time was at a Humanities class that I never had much respect for. It was one of those liberal arts distribution requirements (Generals, they're also called) and I was taking it because I had to. As I recall, I signed up for this at the end of two weeks, so I don't know what was taught during those first two weeks and combined with not having any respect for the class I pulled out a 'D-'. A 'D-' that counted towards graduation, thank you, so it was worth my time and the grade didn't pull my GPA down much because it didn't have too far to fall.

One of the books I had to read was by entymologist (bug doctor) E.O. Wilson who theorized that humans, like every other animal, do things for the sole purpose of spreading our particular genes. And suppressing everybody else's genes, natch. This is much like the bugs do, and E. O. Wilson drew parallels between human beings and bugs and other creatures. One of the comparisons was in Religion. You didn't know ants have religion? According to E. O. Wilson they do. He didn't specify who or what they worship, but if I had to guess I would say their God must be a combination of sugar and poo.

Religion in this scenario is the mechanism for species to act to benefit other creatures who share their genepool when such actions might not benefit the individual of the species. Aha! Now we get to the MidEast. What are suicide bombers doing? They're killing themselves to benefit (how, I'm not sure) others who share their gene pool (Arabs) while eliminating those who do not share their genepool (Jews).

One of the symptoms of Temporal Lobe Epilepsy is religious ecstacy or excessive religiousity. The neurologist belief that this is because the area of the brain that is responsible for processing that area of human experience is overly stimulated. Neurologically, they are creating the feelings of religiousity through their disease. Neurologists say that, I don't.

It would hard to believe that God truly has told the Muslims that they should have the Holy Land while telling the Jews the same thing. He's got a sick sense of humor if he did. And if he really did tell one side that they were his true one and only, how come he never bothered to tell the other side that they weren't the chosen ones? I'm excepting all the Christians here because our possession of the Holy Land was pretty brief before we were sent packing with our templars between our legs.

So, after asking themselves that question each side should ask themselves this: God (or Allah) set the Arabs and the Jews both on the Earth for a reason. He's probably angry that he's being thwarted when they insist on taking each other off of the planet. God must have had a purpose for each one of his creatures and it wasn't to stand in front of a bomb.

Okay. Here's the word salad. Enjoy.

beggar girl Non-tuscan honey badgerboat crane tax list by-timeself-inclusive addition axiom Four-powersoft-throbbing summer tanager nibby-jibbyround-edged wall cabbage wonder-excitingdoor spring scroll front argan oildivision sign brush cherry white-barredself-dispatch axle seat heat spotslender-ankled power relay courtesy lightsuave-looking prosecution-proof popcorn flowerMoor-lipped Labrador feldspar half sistertongue worm pony grass grass-carpetedall fives viridine yellow oat grindertail bay knob-billed gazelle brownrate-raising till alarm flame-hairedheaven-sweet grass plover layer cake

Thursday, August 03, 2006

The Solution to Mid-East Peace


**You can buy my books at http://www.lulu.com/abeautifulcow***

The Prime Minister of Iran has just enunciated the way to peace in the Middle East and it's so simple and easy that I've been slapping my forehead all day long. The answer is: The total eradication of Israel. Now, how come no one thought about this one before? It's so easy. Four million human beings need to disappear off of the planet and the problem is solved. There might be some technical bugs to iron out on this one, like how do we get a heavily armed and combat ready nation to agree with this - but I'm sure that Ahmadeenajad et al. already have those little glitches solved.

But I wonder ... if you look at it that way: Wouldn't the total eradication of Iran and Syria work just as well? All that would be required is that you take Iran and Syria's plans for Israel, cross out the word 'Israel' and substitute those two nations and Voila! There you have it. Peace in the Middle East. And I'm sure Iran and Syria would think it's fair since that's what they had planned for Israel and sauce for the goose and such.

It does kind of amaze me that the Prime Minister of Iran did say this in all seriousness. Arab nations don't understand why the United States won't sign onto genocide and religious extremism. After all, both have been part of our history so we must look like quite the hypocrites after our country was founded courtesy of the native populations on two continents pretty much disappearing. However, most of native Americans (North and South) did perish because of infectious diseases spread by Europeans and not by active aggression and slaughter. I know, they're just as dead and that might be a distinction without a difference. Still ...

The Arab argument, as I understand it, is that the Arabs should control the lands that they acquired during the Mulim age of conquests. Therefore, since the Jews and Christians who were occupying the Holy land when they were conquered don't belong there, because the Moslems got rid of them and it should be theirs. That goes for parts of Spain, too, by the way, which partially explains the Spanish train bombings.

The sticky argument always comes down to who was there first, and you know what? It kind of doesn't matter. You have to deal with who's there now. They might have gotten there by shifty dealings and naked aggression, but they aren't going to leave no matter how guilty you make them feel. Where are they going to go, after all?

Think about America. Columbus came and brought disease and slavery to the New World and I can for see how that could be considered a raw deal. Yes, I sure feel guilty about what some people who sort of look like me did five hundred years ago and for pretty much ever after that. And you know what? I'm not going anywhere and neither is anyone else who sort of looks like me.

I wish Israel would stop beating the crap out of Lebanon because I just filled up my gas tank not too long ago. My sympathies are all with them since I don't believe your attacker has the right to dictate to you how you choose to defend yourself from their aggression. If you want somebody off the planet, tell them so, then take actions to make it happen can they really be blamed for wanting you off the planet, also? I don't think so.

Hezbollah and Israel is that Hezbollah is targeting civilians purpose and Israel inadvertantly. Yes, you're still just as dead no matter what was in the heart of the person who sent the bomb that killed you. So, Israel may be slowly disappearing off of the face of the Earth but my money is still on them and if any country leaves the planet it won't be them - at least not with a few others leading the way.

Saturday, July 15, 2006

Saint Mel, the Insane







**My books are at http://www.lulu.com/abeautifulcow**

By all accounts, Mel Gibson lived the Hollywood lifestyle when he was in his prime - booze, drugs, and lots of women. I'm pretty sure that he was married, too, and in the process of having the many kids that a Catholic is expected to have. Then he cleaned up his act, became a good Catholic and now can tell us all how we should live our lives.

Thank you, Mel. I would like to know how to use drugs, drink and cheat on my wife (when I get one). Your experience will prove very valuable to me.

But I was thinking ... it looks like his years of bad living left him with a tast for the kinky stuff. Like especially the S and M. I'm thinking of two movies that he had a hand in here, Brave Heart and The Passion of the Christ.

First BraveHeart. Braveheart was the story of Scottish Patriot William Wallace who opposed the British many years ago and led troops into battle against them, and ... I don't know. Apparently the movie wasn't very historical so I couldn't tell you what actually happened as opposed to what St. Mel says happened. As I understand it, the dying British Monarch did not actually throw his son's Gay lover off of a tower and William Wallace didn't impregnate the wife of the gay prince. Whatever.

At the end of Braveheart William Wallace is being slowly tortured and executed by an evil inquisitor who wants him to say that the British King is wonderful, which will earn William Wallace a quick death as opposed to the long drawn out one we are shown. This is BS because they weren't going to shorten the program one bit no matter what you said. Treason against the crown was the same thing as treason against God, because the Monarch ruled by divine right. The execution started with a half hanging, then they disemboweled you, then they burned your bowels, then they drew and quartered you.

Mel's right then when he showed Wallace being half hanged and and disemboweled, however ... William Wallace never shouted out: 'Freedom!' which caused the angry and frustrated evil inquisitor to chop off his head. Didn't happen. And what on Earth would William Wallace have meant by that even if he had yelled that out? Scottland wasn't going to go to a system of representative democracy with a bill of rights and all that. At best they would just exchange one monarch for another who lived closer to home, but most every person would still live a course, brutish oppressed life.

The Passion of the Christ, you might say, was historical especially with the depiction of the Roman method of execution. And if you accept that the gospels are historical (many dispute this) then it was absolutely historical, even to the language that might actually have come out of the mouths of the people involved. There wasn't a creepy figure representing Satan mentioned following Jesus around, but maybe none of the disciples got around to writing about that.

The truly disturbing part about both of these movies is the almost gloating way they document the torture and suffering of the protaganists. I was definitely left with the feeling that Mel was just getting off on showing all of this blood and gore. I remember in Passion of the Christ where the Roman whipper was selecting which instrument of torture he would use on Jesus and he held up this big club that had sharp spikes coming out of it and leered over it almost. Then he selected the flagellum (the whip with flesh ripping spurs) and he tested it on a table causing it to splinter - just to let us all know what it could really do. Of course, he's just laughing sadistically as he does his job, but I have to wonder about that. I mean, whipping people is his job. Even if you enjoy your job a whole bunch you don't laugh sadistically all day long as you do it, do you? Why would this guy?

Mel made a lot of money out of that last movie, and supposedly he has more Biblical epics lined up to film. But do we really need to see them? There really aren't stories that are so interesting or dramatic as that one, are there? But maybe he'll make a sequel to Passion of the Christ. Jesus did rise from the dead, after all, so the story hasn't been entirely told. Though, I'm wondering how Mel will gore that one up. Well, I'm sure he'll find a way.


Sunday, July 09, 2006

Pay Attention to that Man Behind the Curtain







**My books are at http://www.lulu.com/abeautifulcow**

The Republican administration would like you to believe that the most pressing issues that are facing this country are illegal immigration, gay marriage, and flag burning. They're like bad magicians trying to mis-direct you from the hand that actually has the coin. Excuse me, when you fueled up at the pump and paid a dollar more for a gallon of gas then you did last year were you really thinking about how incensed you were that people of the same sex could wear gold rings in on their left hand in ... let's see, exactly one state?

Or perhaps did you think that your wages in your non-border state were being depressed because of competition from illegal immigrants? Don't tell me that not raising the minimum wage holds down wages because even though it does - that hurts business! And flag burning must have a constitutional amendment to stop it! Cross burning is still okay because that's free speech but flag burning must be stopped because that's ... well, free speech but unpatriotic free speech and brother, we have a patriot act so that by law you have to be a patriot (as defined by the current administration).

The hell of it is, the entire media is pointing out how the administration and the Republicans are trying to change the subject from the ones that they don't want you to think about. Like Iraq. Like gasoline prices. Like the growth of poverty. Like the grotesque budget deficit. Like global warming. Like the healtcare crisis. Like ... oh, there are so many more things that we should talk about before we go back to thosed tired 'energizing the conservative base' issues.

Don't they see how they're being used? Hear this conservative base: If the Republicans actually cared about these things they would have done them, already. They control congress, they control the senate, they pretty much control the courts. The president has vetoed absolutely nothing that has crossed his desk. It's been six years that they've been in charge; they only pretend to care when it's election time, but they don't. They want you to watch their shiny, phoney social issues.

In the movie The Wizard of Oz, the final scene has Dorothy (and Toto, too), the Scarecrow, and the Tin Woodman in the Wizard's great hall. The Wizard is represented by a big giant head super-impsed on great clouds of smoke and lightening. As the Wizard is bellowing at them, Toto runs away and pulls away the curtain from a small alcove to reveal a little man furiously pulling levers while speaking into a huge tube. The little man looks startled, pulls the curtain back in position and the Wizard say: "Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!" Which, of course, they very wisely don't.

That's advice we should all ignore. Please, do pay attention to that man behind the curtain. Pay attention to what they don't want you to look at. Those are the secrets that need to be reveale and that's what we need to be talking about.

Saturday, July 01, 2006

More Re-Spamming: It's really Fun!



This is my re-spamming message below.



'Thanks!

My books are at http://www.lulu.com/abeautifulcow

Steve'





Re-Spamming is possibly not my invention but it's a really fun activity and I highly recommend it. If you have something to sell - and who of us doesn't? Then simply reply to your spamm e-mails with your own advertisement for whatever you've got that you want to unload. Here's the thing: There are real people somewhere out there on the other end of that spam and at some point a 'real' person will have to look at it. They buy things, too, don't they? Maybe they want to buy your stuff.

And you're not imposing on them at all because they e-mailed you in the first place and they wanted to hear from you! So, you're not being (possibly) intrusive like they were.

Okay, I don't believe any of them actually have bought one of my books, although they should because every one of them is entertaining - but, start your Steve Sommers library with one of the Lulu books first.

So far, I've gotten three responses to my re-spamming. The first was from a man who said he would tell his friends with children ... I count that as a positive. The second was actually a response to the blog about the respamming. It was from a guy for payday loans who seemed a bit hurt that I was doing this, being critical of the way he was doing business. The third was just
a response to the connection where I could opt out of their spamm.

I re-re-spammed! Oh, that was so sweet. After all, instead of just giving me the option of opting out, why didn't they not send it to me in the first place? Problem solved, wouldn't you say?

Oh well. I can't really say why advertisements via e-mail seem so much more intrusive then other kinds of advertisements. We watch TV and that's alright, or the radio. Every day stuff comes in the mail and just as fast it goes into the garbage and that's alright, too. E-mail (and telephones, too) are more private, I think. You want to use both for your own business and didn't purposely expose yourself to these ads.

They must work, I'm guessing. If they didn't my yahoo bulk mail wouldn't be filled with their stuff. Like most people, I have a few mail boxes; the first one that I seldom ever use now has 20,577 e-mails (I just checked). Yahoo empties it every thirty days so there are a hell of a lot of people spending a hell of a lot of money and getting nothing back at all.

I only ever bought once. It was for business cards and I wanted some business cards and they were cheap. So, there you go. They got some of their money back for their trouble. But the rest of them? Nope.

Speaking of which, since I do have so many spamm e-mails that need re-spamming, I better get to work. Just in that one mail box I have over twenty thousand people I can annoy. One of them must like science fiction.

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Re-Spamming



Probably I'm not the first person to come up with this idea, but it's a really fun one. Lately, I've been getting a lot of these E-mails with real enigmatic subject lines, like this latest one: 'Conscious approvingly'. And these enigmatic subject lines are matched with real persons names (Bert Lucero) so even though they are appearing in my yahoo bulk folder I still wanted to check them out - the first couple of ones at least and then I got wise.

I'm thinking that the whole deal is precisely that, to make you wonder what the hell 'Conscious Approvingly' means and then you open up the e-mail to find out. It's day trading, that one. There was absolutely nothing about consciousness or approval and Bert Lucero didn't even send that one. I know, there is no Bert involved with any of this; he's entirely fictional.

But here was my brainwave: I've got something to sell (my books) and they've got an e-mail address and at some point a real person will look at my reply. Voila! That's a list I can use to interest people in my books. Maybe they won't be all that interested in clicking through but guess what? I'm not all that interested in day-trading and I opened their stupid E-mail so ... fair is fair. You wasted a few seconds of my time and I will waste a few minutes of yours.

It's just too bad that the people whose time is being wasted aren't really the ones who are ultimately wasting my time. No, they're just some lowly, poorly paid humps who are earning a living. But my books are fun and interesting so it actually is well worth their time to click on through and they will be well rewarded when they buy and read them.

When I reply to these Spam E-mails Yahoo will usually give me a code to type in as an anti-spam measure, so really I'm actually not spamming anybody since I'm not doing it in bulk and the original spammers actually solicited a reply from me, which counts as a response to them even if I'm never, ever going to buy jack from them. Nope, not ever.

About half the time I get the Yahoo message that says: 'Daemon failure message not delivered' or something like that. Oh well, at least I tried.

I got one response from a real live human (yes, they exist in Cyberspace!). He must have gotten my re-spamming right then, because his e-mail came back within about five minutes. He said that he would forward the address because he knew some people who had 'children' in that age range. Oh boy. I rated these books as teen and above so I hope he doesn't think this is for anybody who doesn't have pubes, but I wasn't being misleading so ... it'll be okay. Nobody's morals will be corrupted who doesn't want them corrupted.

I'm going to continue re-spamming because even though the response is quite limited (one) it is rather satisfying to take up arms against the unwanted e-mail that show up in my bulk folder.

Speaking of selling: Oh please, check out my books. For some reason my link bar sometimes goes way to the bottom and not to the right so, please find it and click on my books and get one. You'll be so happy you did.


And tell your friends, too.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Sick Day



Here's the thing: We all know that there's a certain amount of discretion in the use of a sick day. I could've made it to work today if somebody had put a gun to my head. Perhaps, I would not be at all productive, but I could have done it if it was that important.

After all, you say, Steve is well enough to sit at a computer and type, doesn't that mean that he should be well enough to sit at his desk and do whatever it is that he does? Well ... not really. But I still feel a bit guilty, a bit unmanly. Conan would have made it to his job, wouldn't he have?
Am I less manly than Conan the Barbarian?

Wait, wrong question.

Anyways, the flu's been going around the office and it's my turn.

I spent a lot of my time today flat on my back playing Resident Evil 4 - Awesome Game! That is: it's awesome after you get through it at least once and have the special Infinite Rocket Launcher. Once you have the infinite Rocket Launcher you can cruise through pretty much any situation. The one exception is that you can't kill the bad guys if they're too close to you, otherwise you get a lot of backflash and it takes a whole bunch of your life away.

Before this, I would get stuck at certain points and give up for days or weeks. The problem was never knowing what to do - there are cheats and walkthroughs for that - the problem is doing what you have to do. Situations that require quickness, dexterity and coordination just stymie me. For example: At the very end of the game there's a point where the huge boss is attacking you and eyes pop open on various parts of this creatures anatomy and you have to shoot the eye before it closes again then run up to the boss and stab at a parasite on its back.

Oh, that's just hellish and I almost gave up at that point, because I'd done almost the entire game and there was nothing left to see after that, so what was the point? At best I would win myself a long cut-scene and that's it. I gave up on Resident Evil Dead Aim before finishing the final boss which was a huge creature with heads popping in and out of it's body and you had to shoot those before it got to you. I never could do that.

Resident Evil 4 has a complicated plot (and that's stretching the word, believe me) and some hilariously mistranslated dialogue. At various points the villains - about five of them, I think - will have you cornered in a cut-scene at their mercy, then ... just walk off. For no reason. And speaking of dialogue there's only one way any line is delivered: sarcastically. And all the villains giggle when they do something diabolical - of course. The hero really should have more of a sense of humor about this all.

Never mind, the plot holes are many and ridiculous and that's not why this game is awesome. It's awesome because of the graphics. If I could just go through this world and look around I think it would be a great game. The monsters jumping out at you are even kind of a distraction but now with all my weapons at max and the infinite rocket launcher I'm running out of room in my satchel.

Oh, and please buy my books. They're really wonderful and you can get to them just by clicking on the link to the right ... go ahead ... try it out.

See how easy it is.

Friday, June 09, 2006

Mrs. Zarqawi


You don't hear to much about Zarqawi's wife, do you? I know he had one, but the news doesn't say anything about her other than she was married to him and that's it. Probably she was grief stricken at his death, though I've got to say: he couldn't have been much of a husband. He wasn't all that good looking, he was chubby with bad teeth and a bad complection and he wasn't too tall. Maybe Mrs. Zarqawi thought he was 'cute' but you know what? The guy was no dream boat for certain.

And he was never around. He was always away from Jordon killing people elsewhere. Sure, he came home every now and then to bomb hotels but most of the time he was 'masterminding' the horrible ends of people who had a different philosophy/religion then he did. You know, that might have been a blessing for Mrs. Zarqawi because the guy sure wasn't the master of charm. You never saw him smile much, not even when he had successfully murdered scores of innocents. He must have had what passes for charisma in terrorist circles but how hard can that really be?

Do you wonder how they met? Were they both perhaps at a falafel shop both reaching for the cucumber sauce when their eyes met and she just fell for the souless unsmiling creep? Probably not. This is the MidEast and almost certainly there's was an arranged marriage and she didn't have so much of a say in her future spouse. In fact, I dare say that if he hadn't had a wife assigned to him he'd have a pretty hard time picking up chicks on his own. He doesn't look like he had 'it'.

When he was away from his wife for so long what exactly do you think he did for romance? This was years that he was absent from his marital bed and a man has needs, doesn't he? Maybe he had a girlfriend but more likely ... boys. Zarqawi probably had a young terrorist in training who looked up to him and admired the courageous and dashing monster that he was.

Well, I guess that's all speculation. He ended his life as a martyr devoting himself to what he believed was God/Allah's will. So, in the Muslim scheme (or the scheme of some Muslims) he is in paradise with his seventy two virgins in a garden eating melons and listening to beautiful music. When Mrs. Zarqawi dies I'm not sure whether she joins him in his paradise as his seventy third partner or if she goes to a separate paradise and gets her own seventy two play mates. Whatever happens, I'm sure she's a whole bunch happier that for now she isn't going to have this bum sharing her bed ever again.

And that's got to be paradise for her.

Friday, June 02, 2006

Nature Vs. Nurture: Why is Damien so Evil?



The new Omen movie is coming out on June sixth, making the date written in Arabic numerals as 6/06/06, which is sort of, but not quite the number of the beast in the book of Revelations. Back in the day when Revelations was written (First Century Rome) letters substituted for numbers so that a word also had a numerical value because letters were interchangeable with numbers. Pretty neat, huh? The problem was that it depended on what language you were doing it in, and for all you Apocalypse nuts out there - none of those languages was twenty first century English.

The Omen was a movie that really, really didn't need to be remade. The first Omen, I recall, was sort of scary for its time and kind of a ground breaker with its use of cinematic techniques. Now, unfortunately, that ground has been broken and it's just trite. The story's the same: Damien is taken in as the adopted son of an American politician in England and he seems to develop horrible supernatural powers and he has the '666' birthmark hidden in his hair. He must be stopped or else he will grow up to be the Antichrist (I think) and bring forth the Apocalypse and awful stuff.

My question is simply: Why is Damien so evil? It can't be nurture because his adopted family does a satisfactory job of providing him a proper upbringing. Of course, many respectable families have children that turn out horrible through now fault of their own, and a lot of famililes that look respectable really aren't. So, we can't let them totally off the hook, but I think the point of the movie is that Damien's father is really the devil - so it's all in the genes. Wouldn't you think?

But if it's in the genes, then Lucifer could only provide half of those genes, meaning that Damien can only be half pure evil, because who was his mother? In the movie, I think he was born from a wolf or something, but he doesn't look half-wolf at all. The wolf, I believe, must have only been a surrogate mother and the real mother was somebody else. That person must be a mystery, but still, whoever the Mother is she can't be pure evil because the Devil is already pure evil, so at best she can be only partly evil and Damien must have some good in him being a sort of half-breed.

Supernatural creatures sure tend to lose a lot when they translate into the real world. They can usually move things with their minds by staring at it real hard, but they can't move much. In fact, they'd all be better off with handguns then with their faulty telekinetic powers. And beings like the incarnated son of the Devil are in human form and have human frailties. In other words, they have to poop. How frightening is the most powerful demonic man on Earth when he has to run off and take potty breaks? Not very, I would say.

In the Omen series Damien assumes his full power when he's an adult in his thirties. The thrill of these movies, if you're well versed in Christian lore, is that it might be kind of true. There might an Antichrist out there growing up in obscurity but fated to take over the world and bring forth Armageddon. However, if you're one of the lucky true believers you'll be raptured up into the sky before all this happens. For the rest of us - if you go by the Omen movies - we have about thirty or so years until this all happens, and I don't know about you, but that's plenty of time for me.


**Check out the Links to the right to find both my books**

Sunday, May 28, 2006

How to Get your Puppy to agree with Everything You Say


Training dogs to do silly things is a sometime hobby of mine when I have time on hand and a convenient puppy, too. This trick is one that I take quite a bit of joy in, but it was also surprisingly difficult to figure out how to get a puppy to do it like I wanted. The trick is to get the puppy to nod it's head 'Yes' to any question that you ask it.

The first thing you need is the correct treats to bribe your puppy with. It's best to have what's called a 'food motivated dog'. That's usually never a problem since every single one I met was very motivated by food. For treats, I believe in simply getting a different type of dog food then their daily fare and using that; maybe go a little higher end on the 'treat' dog food, something a little tastier and meatier than usual but you really don't have to get too extravagant. What makes the treat rewarding for the puppy is simply you and the way you act.

With your treats handy, sit the puppy down so that it's on it's stomach with it's paws in front of it and it's head up. It's very important that it be in this position so that the only motions it can make are with its head - only. Hold the treat up to it eye level with one hand, with your other hand near the floor. When your puppy is watching it steadily, you ask your question, making sure to raise your voice at the end. Usually my question is: "Are you a smart Girl/Boy?". Then I wiggle the fingers on the hand I have near the floor. The puppy will look down at that, look up towards the treat again, and it's just done the trick. It's nodded its head 'Yes' in response to your question.

Praise the puppy as you give it the treat, showing how happy you are with it. Then repeat this sequence until the puppy stops looking for the wiggling fingers near the floor and nods entirely on its own.

Two things that will not work, by the way, are trying to lead the puppy's head by moving the treat up and down, or physically moving its head up and down yourself. Believe me, both of those strategms are just wastes of time.

The puppy will eventually start nodding its head to any question you ask it, since it will figure out that the main cue is your voice going up at the end of the question. At this point, you can ask your puppy anything at all and it will whole heartedly agree with you - just as long as you keep giving it treats for agreeing with you.